Twisting Time
by kinole009x
Summary: A young Snape uses a dark spell to go back in time to prevent the entire "Mudblood" incident from happening.  What he doesn't know is that Lily has used the time-turner to go back to prevent herself from ever coming to his defense.
1. 11:03

_A/N: So even though I have a lot of other fan fictions I should be working on and finishing up, I can't get these Lily and Snape ideas out of my mind, so out in a fanfic they shall come! I don't plan on this one being too long. It's really kind of an experiment. But any feedback is most welcome - if you think I should continue or anything, good or bad!_

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><p><em>Chapter 1: 11:03<em>

_And what they don't know is that time cannot be entirely changed._

_Only fulfilled._

Gut-wrenching, agonizing humiliation tore at his mind, anger penetrated every limb in his body and every fiber of his being, and sadness pierced his soul. Those emotions were all that Severus Snape could feel at that moment. As he sat against the wall with his arms around his knees, he stared at the floor with black eyes filled with unshed tears.

He would never forgive himself. He had hurt the only person who had ever mattered; he had hurt sweet Lily, who had come to his defense at such a desperately terrible moment. He had called her something that he had never wanted to hear _anybody_ call her. Ironically enough, he had been the one to say it.

It was all Potter's fault. Potter and his stupid, arrogant friends. If Potter hadn't targeted him and embarrassed him, then Severus believed he would have never had a reason to lash out at Lily. Not that he had a reason in the first place.

Severus looked over at the book of dark magic that sat a few feet away. He didn't want to touch it because he knew Lily didn't like dark magic. But what if…

What if it could help him get his best friend back? Would it really be so bad then?

Severus had found a rare spell that could take him back into time. Then he could prevent the entire ordeal from ever happening. He almost feared to even try it, but he knew he could do it. If there was anybody in the entire school who could try something like this and succeed, it was him. He looked at the clock in the abandoned corridor. 11:03.

Snatching the book quickly, Severus opened to the bookmarked page, pulled out his wand, and began to mutter the spell urgently. It was time.

...

Lily Evans had tried to give off the appearance that Severus's words hadn't hurt her. She had merely thrown an insult right back at him and stormed away. But she could barely stay calm as she ran up the endless stairs of Hogwarts and she almost feared that she would wail the password to the Fat Lady instead of simply saying it. When she reached her dormitory, she collapsed on her bed and buried her face in her pillow.

He was her best friend. She had only wanted to help him. _Why_ had he said what he did?

Lily was now officially convinced that all boys were the same. They were all spineless gits and although she had once thought that Severus was different, she had been wrong. Now she knew what he truly thought of her. She was nothing but a Mudblood in his eyes. This revelation caused a tragic wave of tears to flood her eyes as she cried and sniffled bitterly into her pillow.

After precisely two and a half minutes, Lily moved her hand, which was starting to fall asleep, and felt a cold object. She immediately stopped crying and pulled the thing out from under her pillow. It was the time-turner that Professor Slughorn had given her, in case she ever wanted to take even more classes and exceed even more than she already had. Running a finger over the smooth device, she suddenly got an idea.

She could go back in time and make sure that she never came to Severus's defense. Although she hated the idea of staying put while Potter tortured her best friend, she knew she couldn't intervene. Perhaps then, if she didn't interrupt, she and Severus would still be friends. Perhaps then, she wouldn't have a reason to hate him so much.

Professor Slughorn had warned her to avoid her own self at all costs when she went back in time. She knew she had to make sure that the Lily in the past didn't see the Lily from the future. She had to send Past Lily somewhere far from where the incident had occurred. But she would cross that bridge when she came to it. She reached into her schoolbag and pulled out a watch. 11:03.

Going back two hours, to that morning, would be enough. Lily took a deep breath as she turned the time-turner twice. It was time.


	2. The Moments Before

_Chapter 2: The Moments Before_

_ And so a trip to the past to prevent such grievances from ever occurring,_

_ Turned into a trip to the past to change them into something else entirely._

"Lily, are you all right?"

Distracted, Lily turned back to her friend.

"Of course, Mary," she said with a smile that didn't feel real at all. She couldn't exactly tell Mary that she was so uptight because she was actually Lily from the _future_ and that she was so nervous because if she came face to face with her past self than that would be _it_.

Mary frowned at her. "What's wrong? You've been upset."

Lily internally scolded herself for not doing something to hide her red-rimmed and watery eyes.

"I'm just not feeling well," Lily said, before wincing. She _hated_ lying.

Mary gave her a look as they walked out of the castle and onto the warm grounds.

"Mary," Lily said suddenly, knowing it was time to put her plan into motion. "Will you do me a favor, please?"

"Sure, Lily."

"Meet me at the lake in a few minutes?" Lily's eyes searched the grounds carefully. "And then we go watch the last Quidditch practice of the year, if you want." She gave Mary a nudge. "Felsum Foghorn is a beater, isn't he?"

Mary blushed a deep crimson. "That he is. I'll see you in a few minutes, Lily!"

Lily let out a sigh of relief as she watched her friend practically float away. That would take care of the problem of her past self. The past Lily would be down at the Quidditch pitch. And all she had to do was sit by the lake and wait for time to return to normal.

Before her conversation with Mary, an hour had already gone by in the past and Lily had spent that hour hiding in the dorm, waiting for exams to be over. She had then snuck through the corridors and down to the Great Hall, where she watched past self walk out of the castle, to go to the lake. Once Past Lily was gone, Future Lily had waited in the castle for Mary, knowing that was her key to getting rid of Past Lily.

And now she stood where she was, not quite sure of where to go. She once again scanned the grounds, feeling like a fugitive. She wasn't used to doing sneaky things. She wasn't used to meddling with things that shouldn't be meddled with…like time.

A quick figure suddenly caught her attention and she turned to see Severus hiding behind a tree a few feet away. At least, it _looked_ like he was hiding. His back was to her and he looked as if he were looking for someone…

As quickly as she could, Lily hurried back into the castle before she could see him. As she pressed her back against the cool stone of the corridor, she suddenly had a thought…

...that she could _save_ him.

She didn't even know why she would want to save Severus, after what he had said about her. But she couldn't get the idea out of her head that if she walked right out of the castle at that instant and talked to him, pulled him _away_ from the lake and somewhere else, then…perhaps the entire underpants scenario would have never happened.

What he had said was horrible and she didn't think she could forgive him, but he had been her best friend for six years…

Before she could stop herself, Lily once again left the castle. But Severus wasn't at the tree anymore. He had disappeared entirely.

…

The intelligent thing to do, Severus had realized already, would have been to stay in his dorm and to make sure Potter and his insolent gang never had the chance to lay eyes on him. But Severus had sent himself too far back in time and had to take his Defense Against the Dark Arts exam _again_…which didn't really bother him because he knew he had excelled at it and that it if anything, it would just be irritating to copy everything over once again.

After all, the dark spells didn't work like some of the "lighter" inventions of the age…the time-turner came to Severus's mind. He had heard that a person could put themselves back in the past and their past self would still be there, doing whatever they had been doing. But with his dark time spell, Severus had no past self at the moment he had chosen. He had gone back in time, simply to relive it once again, just himself.

But right after the exam, he should have gone up to his dorm and _stayed _there.

Curiosity had caused him to walk out of the castle and out of the grounds. Curiosity had him hiding behind trees and stalking about, watching for Potter and his friends, wondering if he could possibly execute some kind of _revenge_.

With this new found idea firmly planted in his mind, Severus couldn't turn back. Pride held him to his new task as he thought of how he could cause Potter the same humiliation and pain…the same humiliation and pain that Potter had caused _him_. And maybe then Lily wouldn't think he was such a vulnerable loser.

He was doing it for Lily. Everything had always been for Lily.

…

The wisps of anticipation that Lily felt were practically strangling her. As she sat at the lake's edge…completely alone because her plan had _worked_…she waited for the awful scenario to take place. She saw Potter and his friends sitting under the beech tree, but where was Severus?

Lily felt sick. She didn't want to witness what had happened all over again, but now it was too late to go back to her dorm. She would have to pass Potter and he would make some kind of remark. No, it was best she stayed put and out of the picture.

And so she waited, wondering where Severus was. She felt like something wasn't quite right. It had been around this time that the confrontation had occurred…

…hadn't it?


	3. The Actual Moment In Question

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews thus far. :) I hope this is all making sense and I hope everyone seems in character. This isn't going to be a long fic at all either, it is almost done. But I wanted to try experimenting with the time thing anyway..._

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><p><em>Chapter 3: The Actual Moment In Question<em>

_And alas, it happened all over again,_

_Changed only slightly in the most unsatisfactory of ways._

Vibrant, red hair was the only thing that stopped Severus.

He was hiding behind a tree quite close to the beech tree that Potter and his gang were lounging under, and he had his wand aimed right at Potter, with the spell of _sectumsempra _dancing dangerously on the tip of his tongue. His hand shook slightly as the hate burned through his entire body. The spell wouldn't kill anyone, but maybe it would be enough to get them to leave him alone.

But just as he was about to scream the word, he saw the dark, red hair over by the lake.

Lily.

With a sinking feeling in his gut, he lowered his wand and with a defeated sigh, he put it back in his robes. He couldn't. He was almost sure that Lily thought he was turning into a monster. He couldn't cement her beliefs.

Severus loped away from the tree, intent on joining her. He realized, at that moment, that he would much rather sit and talk with Lily than execute revenge on worthless Potter and his equally worthless friends.

He had purposely taken the long way around so that Potter wouldn't see him. But he stopped when he heard Potter's loud and irritating voice.

"_All right Snivellus?"_

It was happening again. They had found him anyway. And perhaps this was his chance to change it. He just had to be faster this time.

...

Lily wrung her hands together nervously as she heard it.

_"All right Snivellus?"_

It was the most difficult thing she had ever done. She knew what was coming and she knew the humiliation that Severus would feel. But she wanted so desperately to take back the moment where he had insulted her. Although, it didn't much matter anymore, because she _knew _he had said it the first time around. She knew what he was capable of saying and thinking now.

And although she was still furious with him and had originally gone back in time so he could go through this situation without her help, she couldn't feel spite over it anymore. Perhaps he had been embarrassed that she had come to defend him because she was a girl, after all.

Lily snorted. Not that it should _matter_. She decided she wouldn't embarrass him this time. She just needed to let it happen.

And so she sat uncomfortably by the lake as she listened to the scene play out exactly as it had the first time. She heard the taunting voices of Potter and Black, the annoying laughter of Peter Pettigrew, and Severus's threats. She knew he was trying to fight back. She heard him choking on the soap suds. This is the moment where she had come to his defense the first time…

Lily buried her face in her arms and held her breath. Time was going by _so_ slow.

…

Much to Severus's horror, everything was happening the same exact way once again. Nothing he did mattered. No matter how hard he fought back, he still ended up jinxed and with soap in his mouth. And as his attention traveled to Lily, sitting alone by the lake, he realized he could _still_ change what had happened. When she came to his defense, he wouldn't call her anything nasty. He would thank her for what she had done.

But to his intense surprise and confusion, she didn't come to defend him. She had come the first time, when the soap suds had been gagging him, but now, she only stayed where she was. Perhaps she didn't hear them. Perhaps she didn't know what was going on.

But that wouldn't make sense. They were back in the past and everything had to happen just as it had, didn't it?

The unbearable taunting and humiliation continued.

It would be over soon. He just had to endure it a bit longer.

…

Lily grabbed fistfuls of grass and tearing it from the ground, shredded it with her fingers. Her anger at Potter and his friends was growing stronger and stronger. She hated the way they picked on people, especially for the stupidest of reasons. She knew they were bullying Severus at the moment just because he was different and because he "existed", according to Potter. Feeling helpless, she flung the grass into the lake.

It would be over soon. She just had to endure it a bit longer.

Then she heard Potter shout, "Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

Turning around against her will, Lily saw Severus hanging upside down under the tree with his grey underpants showing. He was thrashing dangerously, unable to free himself. In horror, she turned back to the lake. Is _this_ what had happened after she had walked away the first time? They couldn't do that. It just wasn't funny at all, to pants someone in front of so many people just for _entertainment_…

Lily was on her feet immediately. What was wrong with her? She was desperately angry with herself, for letting her best friend go through this, just so that they would maybe get along in the future.

As she approached the scene, she decided she wasn't going to tiptoe around with Potter and his insults. She wasn't going to argue. She pulled out her wand and poked him in the back with it, between his shoulder blades.

"Leave him alone," she whispered. "_Now_."

Potter turned to her in surprise as Severus dropped to the grass with a harsh _thump_.

"Evans," he said in surprise, his hand instinctively reaching for the back of his hair, probably to muss it up.

Lily waited for Potter's sly remarks. She waited for him to say that he was doing it just because Severus existed and that he would stop if she went out with him. But it never came. Perhaps it was because Potter actually noticed the underlying, uncharacteristic malice in her voice or the angry tears shining in her eyes.

Sitting by the river, listening to the entire ordeal, had put emotional strain into Lily's very soul. Humiliating people wasn't funny. Making people's lives a living hell wasn't funny. She put her wand back into her robes and tore her gaze from Potter's.

Everyone was silent.

Lily strode over to Severus and held out her hand to him. She expected him to shake his head and refuse. She waited for the Mudblood insult to fly from his thin lips.

But it didn't. He looked up at her with a sadness that absolutely _killed_ her inside, and took her hand. She pulled him up, and grabbed his wand and bag from the ground. She shouldered the bag, handed him the wand, and taking his arm, pulled him away from the stunned and silent crowd.

Lily didn't quite realize at that moment that her body language, tone of voice, and facial expression had been enough to stop the ordeal. She didn't realize that all of those things combined had made more of a difference than her words (calling Potter a bullying toerag, telling him continuously to stop) the first time around.

When they were far enough away from everybody, Lily let go of Severus and handed him his bag quite forcefully. Then she turned and walked away, fearing the meltdown she could feel coming on. The full extent of her emotions as she listened to Severus being bullied and the full extent of her feelings for him and his well-being pierced her continuously.

She heard Severus calling her name but she ignored him. She couldn't believe she had gone back in time and changed _nothing_. She had allowed the humiliation to go on longer without her intervention and although Severus hadn't called her a filthy, little Mudblood, she still had the crippling knowledge that that was what he had said the first time. She still knew he was capable of saying such things to her.

It had all been for nothing.

…

Severus watched Lily go, still clutching his bag tightly. He hadn't even insulted her and she still seemed angry. But why? And why had the scene played out differently this time? Why had it taken her so long to come to his aid?

The humiliation of going through the ordeal a _second_ time stung, but not as much as the look Lily had given him. He stood still, pondering all the questions that he would never be able to answer on his own.

He heard laughter at that moment and saw Lily walking across the grounds with Mary. Severus's heart almost tore out of his chest in relief to see her smiling, but then again…

…hadn't Lily just left him and disappeared into the castle? How was she walking from the opposite direction, perfectly happy?

Two Lilys. _Why_ were there two Lilys?

Severus had a strange feeling that he knew. He took off into the castle to find out if his assumptions were right.


	4. The Moments After

_Chapter 4: The Moments After_

_They realized that time was never really the answer after all._

Not the astronomy tower.

That's what Lily had told herself over and over again. It would be too easy for Severus to find her there. But she didn't care anymore. She didn't care about anything.

She sat with her legs crossed, staring out into the beautiful afternoon. She wondered if she'd even be able to rise above everything that she felt. She had never allowed Severus's situation to bother her so much before…perhaps she hadn't even fully acknowledged it…but now as she look back across time, she could see it. She couldn't even count the number of times he had books pushed out of his arms, toilet paper stuck to his shoe, insults thrown in his face, or a bloody nose or scratched cheek. But this…the jinx, the soap suds, and the underpants…it had all been taken to a new level. Or perhaps it had always been on that level and she had never noticed.

But he had lashed out on her for the first time. What was changing him?

Lily did eventually hear slow footsteps and felt a heavy presence behind her. She didn't move as she allowed Severus to sit next to her, although she really wanted to tell him that she preferred to be alone at that moment. She wanted to tell him that she didn't know why she hadn't left when she heard him coming; she had sensed his presence and smelled the soap suds.

"Saw your twin crossing the grounds," Severus muttered.

"What?" Lily asked sharply, turning to him.

"You know, the other you," Severus said calmly. "Crossing the grounds, coming from the Quidditch Pitch."

Lily's stomach sunk. _He knew._ She turned away and stared straight ahead, hoping he would drop the subject.

He didn't.

"What did you use?" Severus asked.

"A time-turner," Lily said stiffly. Why was she even telling him this?

"Thank you for…for what you did back there," Severus said quietly.

Lily had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, kind of like something wasn't quite right. What had made Severus change his mind about calling her a Mudblood this second time around? Why was he being so polite? Surely, he should have acted like he had before and insulted her…unless he knew something this time…unless…

She turned again and stared at him. "What did _you _use?"

Severus twitched in surprise. "What?"

"What did you use to go back in time?"

"How did you…"

"I know you, Sev," Lily said simply.

Severus couldn't meet her gaze. "A spell."

Lily knew it had been coming. The Dark Arts, _of course_ it was the Dark Arts…it had always been, it always would be…

"What kind of spell?" Lily asked him, knowing he was becoming uncomfortable.

"Just one I found…"

"It was a Dark spell!" Lily got to her feet.

Severus was faster than her and had scrambled to his feet and blocked the curvy stairway before she could move. "I only did it to fix things!"

Lily folded her arms. "So we both went back in time to change this situation and _nothing _was fixed. _Nothing_ was made better, Severus!"

Severus looked positively miffed. "I went back so that I could take back what I called you and it didn't work, because _you_ ended up back in time with me!"

"And I went back…" Lily paused momentarily, unsure of why she even did go back anymore. "I went back so that I wouldn't come to your defense, so that you wouldn't call me that!"

Severus's expression looked torn, as if someone had twisted his insides into little, agonizing knots.

"I mean…" Lily knew what she had said sounded horrible. "At one point, I was going to try to prevent it from happening at all, but I was too late! You were stalking about from tree to tree like you were up to something…"

"But you _did_ come," Severus pointed out.

"Yes," Lily was exasperated. "I couldn't let them do that to you!"

It all made sense to her now. No wonder the scene had occurred later than it should have. No wonder Severus hadn't insulted her this time around. And she knew it made sense to Severus now, too. Surely he would have wondered why she hadn't come to his defense right away, and now he knew…

"I'm sorry, Lily," Severus said suddenly. "I'm so, so sorry for saying what I did."

Lily's lower lip was trembling and she was feeling suddenly dramatic. She pinched herself to stop it. "You were my best friend, Severus! Best friends don't call each other what you called me!"

"Lily…"

"It's those friends of yours! It's the stupid Dark Arts you love so much…"

Severus was stepping towards her, his black eyes suddenly flaring. "Have you ever stopped to think that it's Potter and his stupid friends…"

"They're not the only reason…" Lily argued back, backing away from him slowly.

"Have you ever stopped to think that I've been provoked one too many times…" Severus was still stepping closer and closer to her…

She wasn't even sure what they were talking about anymore, if it was the Mudblood insult or the Dark Arts or _everything_ put together…

"You've changed!" Lily protested as her back finally hit the railing of the astronomy tower and she could move away from him no further. "You've done nothing but change since we first came here and now I feel…" How did she feel? She wasn't quite sure anymore. "I feel like I don't even know you anymore!"

Severus was standing toe to toe with her, looking down at her, and although his long, black hair was a curtain around their faces, she could still see the devastating look in his black eyes…

"It's still me," Severus said quietly, his voice slightly cold. "I've always been like this."

"No you haven't," Lily whispered. "The boy I met that day six years ago…you're not him."

"What if I were to say that you're not the same girl?" Severus countered.

"I _know_ I'm not! I'm not eleven years old anymore, Sev!"

"I still think of you as my best friend!" Severus said suddenly, loudly. He seemed almost embarrassed at his outburst as his sallow, pale skin turned slightly pink. But he recovered quickly and fixed her with a stare that made her positively uncomfortable.

What was he expecting her to say? That she still thought of him the same way? She did, in a way, but everything was changing so much…

And it was at that moment that they heard a horrible cracking sound, and the part of the astronomy tower that they were crowded on collapsed. Whether it was a pure accident because of their close proximity and the weight they had put on the railing and the edge of the tower, or something else completely…they didn't know.

They had fallen and Severus was now holding to the edge by his fingertips and he was holding onto Lily's hand tightly. She was dangling even further down than he was.

It was at this moment that both Severus and Lily wished they had never gone back in time after all.


	5. New Moments

_A/N: Thank you so much everyone for the reviews, I really appreciate each and every one of them! :) _

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><p><em>Chapter 5: New Moments<em>

_In fact, they came to know that taking time into their own hands yielded worse and far more disastrous results._

Lily clung to Severus's hand desperately and tried not to look down. If they were to fall, it would be a long drop and a most painful death. She looked up and saw Severus holding on to the edge. He looked down at her and called weakly, "Don't let go, Lily!"

It was at that precise moment that James Potter and Sirius Black arrived at the top of the astronomy tower. They stood at the edge of the wreckage, each with a broomstick in hand, and peered down at Lily and Severus. Instantly, Potter was on his broom and diving down to where Lily was dangling. He hovered below her, as close as he could.

"Let go, Evans!" Potter called. "I'll catch you!"

"No!" Lily yelled. She had not gone back in time to be saved by an arrogant bully.

"You might as well let go now," Black said calmly from above them. "The grease from Snivellus's hand is going to cause you to slip anyway."

"Come on, Evans, I'm right below you," Potter said reassuringly. "All you need to do is _let go_."

Lily though bitterly that it would all be very well and easy to just let go, but what about Severus?

"Lily." Lily looked up at the voice and saw Severus looking down at her. "It's all right. Let go. Let them save you."

But Lily still held his hand tightly and Severus made no move to let her go.

"You have to save him, too!" Lily yelled down to Potter.

Both Black and Potter let out simultaneous groans.

"He's my best friend!" Lily shouted furiously. "And if you're going to save me, you're going to save him, too!" She was so busy with shouting that she didn't even see the look on Severus's face; the look of pure jubilation that Lily had called him her best friend.

"Fine!" Potter did not look happy at all, but agreed to her terms.

Lily gave Severus's hand a quick squeeze, before letting go. Her heart practically flew into her mouth as she dropped, but it was a short distance and she landed right on Potter's broomstick, directly in front of him. He immediately circled an arm around her and flew back up to the top of the astronomy tower.

Black had dug his nails into Severus's arms as he tried to drag him back onto the astronomy tower floor. Potter dismounted his broom and ran to help and after a few moments of desperate struggling, grunting, and cursing, the three of them collapsed backward onto the safety of solid ground. Lily let out a sigh of relief as she ran to them.

Potter and Black were quickly detangling themselves from Severus and moving as far away from him as they could. Lily kneeled next to him. Severus didn't look up at anybody.

"Thank you," Lily said honestly to Potter and Black, realizing that if they hadn't been there, then she and Severus would most likely have fallen to their deaths…or at least, have been crippled for life.

Severus murmured his thanks, as well.

Potter had practically puffed out his chest in pride. "Well, we need someone around to torture," he said cheerfully. "Couldn't let you go that easy, Snivellus."

Lily rolled her eyes and taking Severus's hands, helped him to his feet. She carefully traced the center of his palm, where the edge had cut into his hand as he had tried to hang on.

"Good afternoon," came a kind voice from the spiral staircase.

They all turned to see Albus Dumbledore standing and looking at them all with a bizarre smile. He was looking completely unconcerned that part of the astronomy tower had been destroyed and in fact, was delicately flicking a lemon drop into the air, catching it into the palm of his hand easily each time. After doing it at least three times, he looked at Potter, Black, and their broomsticks.

"You were off for a friendly game of Quidditch?" He inquired as politely as if he were asking if they wanted to attend a tea party with him. "Your friends are waiting for you, I believe."

Potter and Black nodded quickly and disappeared down the staircase, Potter shooting one last glance at Lily.

Once they were gone, Dumbledore walked to where Lily and Severus stood. "Lemon drop?" He offered and Lily and Severus both politely shook their heads. They were both too busy wondering if they would be in trouble for being atop the astronomy tower _and_ causing part of its destruction and on top of that, if Dumbledore knew anything else that had happened that day.

He gently walked over to the edge of the tower and looked down. He shook his head with a small, vague smile before looking back at them. "Time is a funny, fickle thing," he said lightly. "Whether friend or enemy, I know not."

Lily was still holding Severus's hand and she squeezed it tighter. _He must know_. And as soon as Lily had that thought running in her mind, Dumbledore turned and stared at her intensely, as if trying to convey an important message.

"But I do know that I wouldn't want to dance with time," he said. "No, I would inevitably get my feet stepped on. Time always seems to come out on _top_, victorious, in the end."

Dumbledore then smiled pleasantly at them, before turning once more to the spiral staircase and going down the steps slowly, muttering to himself. Lily let go of Severus's hand and quietly went to the top of the stairs, where she could hear his words as plainly as if he were speaking them into her very mind.

"_And what they don't know is that time cannot be entirely changed._

_Only fulfilled._

_And so a trip to the past to prevent such grievances from ever occurring,_

_Turned into a trip to the past to change them into something else entirely._

_And alas, it happened all over again,_

_Changed only slightly in the most unsatisfactory of ways._

_They realized that time was never really the answer after all._

_In fact, they came to know that taking time into their own hands yielded worse _

_And far more disastrous results."_

Lily felt as if her heart had dropped right into her stomach. Dumbledore might have been acting vague but she understood his message clearly. If he was going to reprimand them for what they'd done, he would have done so. He wouldn't have spoken in riddles, as if he were trying to _tell_ them to do something…

Lily turned back to Severus, who was studying the damage and seemed not to have heard Dumbledore.

She couldn't bring herself to do it at first. She knew what would happen. She waited several moments, before pulling the time-turner out of her robes and hurrying over to Severus. Ignoring his confused expression, she flung the chain around them both and cranked the device.

Lily was painfully aware that she eventually wouldn't remember any of what had just happened or even what she was doing at that moment. She allowed herself to back in time once more with Severus, for the very last time.


	6. Moments Lost and Found

_Chapter 6: Moments Lost and Found_

_**Six Years Later: Christmas Eve 1981**_

Soft snow drifted outside the windows of Hogwarts as a merry fire crackled in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore himself was seated in one of the armchairs in front of the fire, swishing his finger cheerfully in the air as he listened to the Christmas carols that were floating from various parts of the castle.

After a few moments, he turned to his companion who was sulking, rather than sitting, in the opposite armchair. A young, twenty-one year old Severus Snape was staring dully into the fire with absolutely nothing cheerful about him.

"Ah, come now, Severus," Dumbledore said as he put down his finger momentarily. "It's the holidays, a time to be grateful, if not happy, isn't it?"

Snape did not take his eyes off of the fire. "What have I to be grateful for?" he said bitterly.

Dumbledore considered this with a fair amount of thought. He understood why it seemed to Severus that all hope was lost. Lily Potter had died a little less than two months before and Dumbledore feared that a part of Severus had died with her. Not that he had been a lively, outgoing individual before but now, he hardly seemed alive at all. Dumbledore had watched him closely and noticed with sadness in his heart how Severus merely went through the motions of the day, hardly caring anymore.

But something more seemed to be bothering him tonight.

Dumbledore carefully chose his words. "I would say you are grateful to be alive, Severus, and grateful to have a home and an occupation."

Snape said nothing.

Dumbledore hadn't wanted to even mention Lily, but he knew that was the only thing on Severus's mind.

"And grateful that at least Lily Potter's son survived," he said softly. "We know that's what Lily really wanted."

Dumbledore hadn't expected an outburst of positive emotion and so he wasn't at all surprised when Snape's lip merely curled and he said bluntly, "She died thinking I was evil. She died without knowing how I felt for..."

He stopped suddenly, not bothering to finish his sentence, but that last word seemed to vibrate through the silence of the room: _her._

A spark ignited in Dumbledore's mind, a memory of something long forgotten and buried for at least six years. Something that he had meant for Severus to see at a later date, but perhaps, on a night like this…

He once again looked over at Severus, who was still staring into the fire with glassy, black eyes and a set jaw. He was upset, Dumbledore knew it, but he hardly ever showed much emotion anymore…

Standing slowly, Dumbledore wandered over to his desk and unlocked a drawer at the very bottom. In it were two small vials, marked very clearly; one said _Lily Evans_ and the other said _Severus Snape_. Dumbledore stared thoughtfully at them. He had forgotten they were there until recently when he had been doing a bit of winter cleaning. But now, perhaps, they would come in use.

"Severus," Dumbledore said rather loudly as he took the two vials and made his way over to the Pensieve. "There's something I'd like you to see." As Severus got out of the armchair, Dumbledore uncorked both vials and poured them into the Pensieve together.

Snape approached it and looked at it suspiciously. Dumbledore waved his arm invitingly to it, and without another moment's hesitation, Snape bent over it.

Dumbledore stood back, watched, and waited. He knew that Severus had entered the combined memories and would now witness what had happened that day. He had often wondered to himself if he were ever to show Severus, would he use Lily's memory or Severus's own? He had decided to use both because it would provide him with a full, unbiased view of what had happened.

It was a day in 1975, a day of exams, a day of sunshine. But furthermore, it was the day that both Lily and Severus had chosen to tamper with time. Dumbledore remembered the day well and how at the very end of it all, when he was standing on the wrecked astronomy tower with them, he had given Lily subtle hints - hints that she had to go back again. He had mentally given her wisdom and strength to set back the time-turner twice over (a usually difficult and rare task), so that they would go back to the very first incident, before they had tried to change it. The very original, where Severus had called her a "Mudblood" and she had stormed away.

Lily had enough sense to come straight to his office after she had turned the time-turner, dragging a befuddled Severus with her. Dumbledore had then taken those specific memories away from them, for their own good. He hadn't wanted to – it had pained him more than anything - but he had no choice. And so he took it all from them – the moments they had gone back in time, the re-lived accident, their confrontation on the astronomy tower, their near death experience, their rescue at the hands of James Potter and Sirius Black…all of it was gone.

And the only thing that remained was the original memory, in its pure brutal form.

Dumbledore knew if he had allowed those other memories to remain, the very course of the future would have changed and an important prophecy would never come to pass. But he had always had the intention to keep the vials and after certain important things had happened, to one day show Lily and Severus, so that they could become friends again later in life…

When Snape finally emerged, wet, from the Pensieve, he fell back in shock onto the floor. If Dumbledore had thought he had been grieving in front of the fire before, it was nothing compared to what he looked like now. Obviously grief-stricken, Severus looked up at him in disbelief, breathing heavily.

"That!" He said in a quiet, strangled voice. "_That_ happened?"

"It did, Severus," Dumbledore told him, sitting next to him on the floor.

"Why did you take that memory from us?" Were Severus's hands trembling? "She had _forgiven_ me, we could have stayed friends…"

Dumbledore nodded. "I know it seemed as if things would have been quite bright and cheery after that. But Severus, time was never meant to move in that direction. Time was never meant to be changed or twisted. If that memory had remained with you and Lily, the future would have changed dramatically and certain events would have never come to pass."

"What events?" Severus asked desperately.

"There were prophecies floating around at that time at the Ministry," Dumbledore explained. "Not that I was any expert. But I did know something of what was to come. I didn't know the boy's name at the time, but it was Harry Potter. He had to exist and for that to happen, Lily had to marry James Potter. And for that to happen, she had to move away from you."

Severus looked away with an expression of pure anguish.

"I'm sorry, Severus," Dumbledore said softly. "One day, it will all make sense. I can only say now that without the existence of Harry Potter, the world would fall to darkness. He is destined to make great things happen."

Snape nodded numbly and Dumbledore knew that although he didn't like it, he understood. Sometimes, personal sacrifices had to be made in order for the survival of the future world.

But the important thing was the small moment between Severus and Lily at the end of the memory. Snape's eyes shone with thick, unshed tears as he struggled with his emotions.

"A small Christmas present, if you will," Dumbledore said quietly, knowing the memory was devastating, but comforting.

For a half an hour, Dumbledore sat beside Severus on the floor, a gentle hand on his shoulder, while Severus trembled, a tear occasionally dripping from his hooked nose.

"Take it for what it was, Severus," Dumbledore told him gently. "And take the last moment and hold it with you. Know that Lily always cared for you and forgiveness was possible. Know that this can be a beacon of light for you in the dark."

After a few moments, Severus looked up. "Was that part of the memory mine or Lily's?"

"The very end?" Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "That was mostly yours. Strangely enough, Lily blocked part of that moment out of her memory. It was as if she knew what was going to come and she feared that it would stay with her. She couldn't bear being on rough terms with you and carrying that memory of pure friendship with her. Of course, she needn't have feared because I ended up taking the memory." Dumbledore bowed his head guiltily.

"Did you ever show Lily…this?

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "I never got the chance. But Severus, wherever Lily is now, she will know your true intentions. She will know all the good you have done – and will do."

Finally, Dumbledore helped Severus to his feet and they sat in front of the fire once more, the memory dancing before them in the flames, the only thing on both of their minds.

_**1975. The missing memory from the vial.**_

Lily somehow knew that she and Severus would never remember any of this. She knew that Dumbledore had a plan and that when all was said and done, the original incident would play out just as it had been meant to, and she and Severus might never talk again.

She trusted Dumbledore completely – he was the Headmaster of Hogwarts and one of the best and most powerful wizards that the wizarding world had ever known. And so when he stared at her with his stare and she felt a different sort of magic running through her veins, his understanding crept into her. She knew what she had to do, how to do it, and the reasons for it.

In the few moments before she had flung the chain around her and Severus, she folded her arms around herself. "Sev?" she said softly.

Severus looked over at her.

"I want you to know that no matter what happens," Lily swallowed back burning tears. "You'll always be my best friend. Always."

Severus actually _smiled_. "You mean it?"

"Of course," Lily suddenly unfolded her arms and hurried over to him, knowing they only had moments left.

"And you'll always be mine, Lily," Severus said quietly. "Ignore any stupid things I say from now on."

Lily smiled, but that smile faded when she pulled out the time-turner.

Severus looked at it in alarm. "What are you doing?"

"We need to go back again, Severus," she said quietly as she flung the chain over the both of them. "We need to forget all that has happened. None of this was ever _meant _to happen."

"But Lily," Severus protested. "Things are fine now…"

"No, they're not," Lily said as she fumbled with the time-turner in her hands.

"Lily, _please_…"

"Dumbledore's orders, Sev!" And with that she hugged him tightly. Helplessly and hopelessly lost, Severus hugged her back, holding her tightly, as if she would disappear if he let go.

"Remember, Sev, always…" Lily gently kissed him on the cheek, still holding him, as her hands turned the time-turner behind his back…

… and they spun back into time.

* * *

><p><em>AN: That was it! The end! First, I want to apologize that it wasn't the happiest of endings. I hadn't meant for it to be, because I already have done a Lily & Severus forgiveness fluff fic. For this one, I wanted to experiment with something else and I believe it had to happen this way. If James and Lily hadn't gotten together, then Harry would never have existed and neither would the events of the series! So it's a little bit like the feeling in the last book - just bitter. I remember feeling so SAD that Lily and Severus could have never been more, but if they had, there would have been no Harry._

_So I hope this makes sense. I know it's strange and confusing and totally would never have happened. I hope Dumbledore doesn't seem out of character and heartless. But when I think of it, if Dumbledore had known something important like a prophecy, he was only doing what he needed to do above and beyond all else - protect the future generation, even if it meant taking memories from Lily and Severus. And he felt horrible about it and one day, planned to make it up to them by showing them the memory, after Harry had been born and time had progressed a bit._

_So I guess the moral of the story is that time just cannot be changed and everything happens for a reason. And to those who see Lily as such, I really didn't mean to make Lily seem stupid. I didn't want to portray her that way at all. But I would have listened to Dumbledore and have accepted his wisdom and a bit of his magic to make whatever needed to be done possible. She wasn't going to rebel against Dumbledore._

_So thank you to all who read and reviewed, I really appreciate everything. I hope people aren't disappointed with how this turned out. I feel it's bittersweet, but I'm not disappointed. Like I said, I had already done a fluffy forgiveness fic and I wanted to try something new. It's still a bit hopeful :)_


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